Once upon a time; a time not so long ago, in a galaxy not so far away, there lived a beautiful little girl. Her hair was short and soft, and as black as a moonless night. Stars hung about her chest, and her amber eyes were always bright. Her name was Ziva, Dark Empress of All.

Now, Ziva wasn’t just the Dark Empress of All. She was also a Mossad agent, a well kept secret to all her subjects. No one knew how dangerous she really was, except one. Another ruler, like she. He was light, however. And claimed dominion over the same land she did. Hew knew she was evil, and dangerous, and kept her locked away under her mother’s bed. Only when her mother was around did she feel it safe to come out into the light and preside over her domain.

Her mother took her away, to another portion of her domain. This land was called the Springs of Berry-ann, and it near this Lake of Mee-shee-ghan. Her mother seemed to like this place a great bit, and felt it would be the best location for Ziva to grow and gain more power to rule her dominion better.

There were far more servants here than the castle she previously shared. She had those she spent most of her time not spent plotting the demise of all those who opposed her, Mom and the Other One. Mom cared for her evil little ball of fur. She kept her in food and cleaned her litter box. She pulled up the blinds in the morning, and in return Ziva shared the bed and covers with her at night. Mom kept her entertained with mice filled with stuffing, colorful balls that rattled when she smacked them across the room, the bands that kept Mom’s hair out of her face, and all kinds of long, thin pieces of string or paper. She also helped her build her Evil Fortress of Doom in her chambers; all three and a half times.

The Other One spent much of his time reading books or monitoring people called Jedi from other worlds, and other such fascinating peoples. He never really seemed to have much to the Dark Empress of All in the way of her people. They were never to much trouble for him to handle for her. He always seemed to have time to watch her chase the little red hologram dot around. It was the one thing that seemed to allude her, and the one thing he did not vanquish for her. Then, it would magically vanish into the ether, at least till the next time it decided to taunt her. The Other One had a squirt gun that he frequently used to keep her away from places he seemed to think the Empress of All should not be. She was quite sure he was keeping her away from all the good things, but she tolerated him anyway.

Then there was the proverbial “Bow-Tie.” Why “proverbial” you ask? Because she had yet to decide on a name that suited him, so she was forced to use the same term Stormy, or Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All used. One day she would have a better name for him, because the Empress of All could not just settle for terms stolen from one with a limited mentality. No, she could come up with something far more clever, but when she had the time of course.

Bow-Tie was tall and mocked her a lot. But that was alright with her, she just repaid him in kind by taking off portions of his skin. It was great fun, even if he did not think quite the same about the matter. He always seemed to have chords with him whenever she saw him, and he taunted her with those as well; dangling her prey before her, then keeping them from her just when she would pounce. She expected as much, however. For if one was to be a subject of the Dark Empress of All and be so high up as to serve in her courts, they would have to be evil like her in some fashion. He seemed to like her though, and because of his kindness to her, mixed with his incredible ability to frustrate her, she allowed him to exist, and even started to cuddle next to him upon occasion.

Then, there was the peasants. She liked a few of them, though mostly in small numbers; two or three at a time.  There were a few that frequented the castle almost as often as Bow-Tie did. This girl with the European accent reminded Ziva much of herself. She often wondered if she too was a special agent, perhaps part of the Romanian Mafia. But, alas, she never seemed to find the right way to pose the question without giving herself away. It mattered not. They were kindred spirits, and she knew it. She still, however, liked to keep her at a certain distance most of the time.

One day, Mom allowed another being into her castle. She was in on the decision making, though she did not like the idea. Another, much like herself, moved in and took over a vast portion of the castle. She ignored her blasphemous portrayal of dominance, and the fact that she did not want to plot and scheme with her, reminding the old demonic woman, the Old One, or Baby as she seemed to be called, that she would not be there forever, much like the Devil, Remmy as he preferred to be called, before her. Her time would come when she would go back to the place with which she came. This was only a temporary refugee situation. Then, the castle would be all hers once again, as it was meant to be. For now, she would allow the demon to roam the castle, and order her subjects about.

There was brother and sister that lived on the other side of the castle. The fluffy one came and played with her frequently, calling to her to announce her temporary escape from her servants that lived upstairs. She was much like herself, and enjoyed plotting and scheming about world domination. The loud one was a bit of a nuisance, however. She brought those evil biting things in, passing them unknowingly to the fluffy one, and thus to her. The bitey devils removed large amounts of her hair. Her mother vanquished them all for her, however, so she forgave the idiot.

Thus was her life. She was happy.

Here is where her scribe, Mom, chronicles her daily events and her adventures and the Dark Empress of All keeps her journal.

———

References:

Stormageddon is from the Doctor Who episode “Closing Time.”